Think fast. You’re standing on a grassy knoll, while vacationing in Kenya, and a 700 pound Siberian Tiger emerges from the nearby woods and is charging you at full speed. What do you do?
There’s no need to panic (although you are no less of a man if you do). By duplicating the successfully proven method below, you too can emerge victorious (we wouldn’t dare say “unscathed”) from the grasp of nature’s most skilled predator.
While not tested, we suspect this method would work equally well on an attacking lion, leopard, cheetah, panther or any large looking cat charging you with purposeful intent.
We recommend charging the tiger full on. We give you three reasons. Firstly, there’s a very good chance that this is the last great “hurrah” for you. If this is the end, don’t you want to die like a man?
Next, charging a tiger will increase adrenaline that you will undoubtedly need when fighting the animal in hand to hand combat.
Lastly, a tiger that weighs 3-4X the weight of it’s potential next meal is never expecting it’s prey (you) to charge back. That extra second of confusion might be just what you need to win the battle!
Commit to the fight. Expect to get a few bumps and bruises in this skirmish. You are, after all, fighting a very skilled killing machine. Don’t be a like a boxer, circling the ring, afraid of his opponent. Go forward and get your licks in.
Wait for the tiger to open his mouth. In his attempt to eat you, he reveals his greatest weakness… his tongue. This is the most difficult part of your task but remember, it’s been done before and what one man can do, so can another! Rip the fleshy organ from his mouth with your bare hands and emerge the victor!
After the Fight
Tend to your wounds and don’t be afraid to take a few extra days off work and away from the gym. You’re likely to be receive a fair amount of notoriety during this time. Don’t get too caught up in that. You’re a man. Killing a tiger with your bare hands kind of comes with the territory.
We do encourage you to get that tiger stuffed and mounted. Real men keep trophies. It’s an easy way to say a lot without saying much at all.