Getting the girl of your dreams is only one solid strategy away. Forget the focus on pickup lines and understand that the end result of who you date is ultimately dependent on how well you execute your game plan.
We won’t promise that you’ll land a ten if you’re a five. The most a guy can typically hope for is to snag a girl that is two digits hotter, but we believe that you can use the following advice to land a girl that’s clearly established three digits beyond your normal potential. These are the couples that always leave people saying, “How did he get her?!”
While timing (a factor that we can’t help you manipulate) often plays the most integral role in “hooking up”, guys often get it wrong even when she’s available. That’s unacceptable.
With the application of a few proven principles, you can go beyond staring at her from across the room to conversation that will have her yearning for the chance to have a real date with you.
Basic Human Understanding 101
Before you embark on your quest to find your soulmate, it’s important to have a solid understanding of basic human needs.
Remember Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs? In this model, the most basic needs exist at the bottom of the pyramid and as each need is met, unfulfilled higher needs emerge.
The greatest need of all individuals is that for food, water and sleep. If your dream girl is a starving drifter who just crawled out of the desert sun, you’re in luck. A simple offer of water will be enough to elicit a strong response and have her interested in you.
Not likely though.
The next level of needs are based in security and safety. We’re going to assume that your girl can maintain a steady job, pay her rent every month and doesn’t live in Yemen. If she fails to meet these qualifications, she has other issues. We recommend moving on.
Her need for safety also illustrates the importance of how you approach her. If your approach is aggressive in any way, causing her to feel threatened on any level, you can forget about further conversation.
The next level of needs is where you’ll likely need to focus. “Love and Belonging” is a strong desire in her life. It ranks high on her list. Humans need to love and be loved, both sexually and non-sexually, by others. Even though those last two beers may have you focused on the former, she’s currently more interested in the latter (we’re assuming the girl of your dreams is not caught up in a downward spiral of morality to avenge the cheating boyfriend that just broke her heart).
This level of needs is often intertwined with the next level, which focuses on being valued by others. While you don’t want to rush into any talk relating to love, you better believe that her need to be loved and valued is of critical importance. Hence, our first interaction begins.
Confidence is everything. You know this already. For this task, confidence is achieved by focusing on your strengths and not on your faults. If you worry about any element of your appearance, you will project that and she’ll pick up on it.
Lack of confidence and uncertainty is a conversation killer.
Think about those traits that you are most commonly complimented on and visualize how you will be able to present those traits to her during your conversation. Do you often get told you have “kind eyes?” Approach her with that in mind.
Make order of your environment first. This is a handy tip that few people know about and utilize. If you’re standing at the bar, focus on your immediate surroundings and reorganize everything within your grasp (leave the bartenders money jar alone). This is a warm-up method of controlling the situation that will carry over into your conversation and help to relax you before walking over to her. This method is taught at some universities to students who are trying to perfect the art of giving speeches.
Let the Conversation Flow
It can be difficult to strike up a conversation with a complete stranger and even more so when you’re attracted to her. As a result, you might find yourself wanting to rush your conversation. The trick here? Less is more.
If you know that you’re one to ramble and talk fast, practice a first conversation at home in front of a mirror before going being center stage with her. While talking to yourself in a mirror might initially produce some laughable imagery in your mind, it’s a technique that thousands of speech-makers practice on a daily basis… because it works. You’ll learn to slow yourself down and breathe better while addressing any stumbling blocks in the delivery of your conversation. Preparation is the key.
Conversation with her needs to be relaxed and with a very natural feel. Wait for an opportune moment to strike up a conversation. Don’t interrupt her current conversation. Approach casually and with a smile.
Body language is important. Keep your shoulders back and your hands at your side.
Want a great conversation starter? Ask her about something she’s wearing instead of telling her she has beautiful eyes. The latter tends to make some people uneasy but the former takes the focus off of her directly, which she will appreciate. She’ll likely supply you with some new information in her answer, allowing you to carry on with the conversation. Have a backup question in case she supplies a short answer. A shy person might find it hard to elaborate on much when meeting a total stranger so be prepared.
Seal the Deal
You approached her so if there’s a spark at all, it’s your job to ask her for her number. Don’t ask her if she’s on Facebook as a means of moving forward. That’s not manly and she’ll think it was a bit lame of you.
Ask her out in a way that is supporting her interests. If you broached the topic of movies in your conversation and you know what she likes, you might ask, “If you really like funny movies, can I text you when -Insert new funny movie here- comes out this weekend?”. This keeps the conversation casual while reinforcing your interest.
In the end, understand that every man strikes out in life now and again. It’s part of being a guy. Don’t take it personally if things don’t go as planned. Meeting someone is as much about chemistry as it is about your presentation and there’s always a chance that one of you won’t feel that spark. You’ll know if you should finish the conversation by asking her out.
Being a man will always require taking a few chances so take a chance on her. She just might be worth it.