How to Get Fat on Diet Soda


diet soda mythDiet sodas carry the promise of youth. By giving up those sugary-laden drinks for a cup of aspartame and carbonated water, you’ll shed those pounds, get ripped and look sexy as a young Ralph Macchio in the Karate Kid.

It’s time to “wax off” that bullshit, grasshopper.. because diet colas are turning you into a Mini-Me version of Fat Bastard and wanting to kill you dead.

“No way.. the big guy at the gym told me it was fine.”

We hear you, oh great and wise 17-year old who knows everything about fitness and nutrition because he started benching three months ago.

Unfortunately, the big guy at the gym is big because he’s been injecting Anadrol-50 into his butt-cheeks for the last eight weeks and throwing down a whole chicken every day. His body processes food differently than yours. He’ll also be dead in another 30 years but that’s a different article.

If dieting and losing weight are among your fitness goals, diet drinks are a sure-fire way to slow results.

Diet Soda Myths

The idea is to replace sugar with poison aspartame. A mere 180 grams of the artificial sweetener makes your drink taste sweet as cotton candy, and keeps your caloric intake at 0 calories, allowing you to eat that whole pizza for lunch and still look fabulous.

It’s a win-win. And since aspartame is roughly 200X sweeter than natural sugar, it’s a big win for food-production companies, who use aspartame to sweeten just about anything and everything possible.

Diet Soda Truths

Diet DrinkWhen you eat yummy, sugary foods or drink real colas, your body creates a crap-load of insulin. As soon as this wave of insulin is produced by the pancreas, you’re officially out of fat-burning mode.

Diet drinks attempt to circumvent this by removing the sugar and adding aspartame. Unfortunately, your body isn’t too bright in the way of rational and reasoning. You could say it’s a real dumb-ass. It’s a machine built on response and when you ingest something 200x sweeter than sugar, it produces a physiological response in the way sugar does. It’s all it knows how to do.

Your pancreas releases insulin to mop the mess up. Insulin is a storage hormone so if you’re eating something with that diet drink, insulin escorts it to a storage area in your body. Fat people get fatter.

If that was the end of the problem it would be enough but the aspartame in that soda pop also creates the physiological response of making you crave more food. You gave your body every indication of expecting a sugary feast and then cock-blocked it with some foreign substance that’s likely going to contribute to your getting cancer later in life. Your body is begging you to finish what you started and give in to that bag of Doritos.

The best of intentions can sometimes produce the worst of results and diet soda is a self-destructing whore, masquerading as a well-intentioned lady. Skip the diet drinks, have a cup of coffee and reap the rewards of a slimmer waistline.

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